I'm an idiot.

[alpin451]

I started thinking about it, and now I know why we didn't end up together. I was a total spaz. I worried about everything. I was constantly trying to call/text her when I didn't really need to. I was calling her like she was my girlfriend or something. I wish she was, but she wasn't. I had the chance to kiss her. I had more than one chance to kiss her. But I didn't. Because I'm a pussy who freezes up when I get the opportunity. It was staring me dead in the face the whole time. I could have had her. We could have been together. She liked me, but I convinced her otherwise. I showed her the real me. The paranoid,neurotic, boy. I am so stupid. I've never made a mistake this big in my entire life. I will regret this forever. And I won't forget it. If only I had done a FEW things different, we would have been together. At least for a little while. But no. I screwed it up. And I want to learn a lesson from this so I'll know not to make the same mistake in the future, but I just don't think I'll ever meet a girl like her ever again. She was one of a kind.

[Ingenuity]

thats to bad. you actually said what I was gonna tell you write in your post. "we would have been together. At least for a little while." that second part, about the little while. chances are it wouldn't have lasted forever, possibly not even that long, who knows, and if it had lasted "forever" you would have ended up as an old married couple, bickering over what brand of cereal to buy. marrying for what you think is "love" isn't the best idea. you can have your fun, your youthful exploits, but then marry for comforting companionship. Also, if the real you is paranoid and neurotic, and she's not, then you may not have matched up so well in the long run. I'm a bit... depressing, skeptical, angry, paranoid too, lots of things, and if I tried to have a relationship with a "normal" mentally sound social being... I need someone who's a bit off their rocker, and who won't flip out on me when I start to flip out. It's to bad that you couldn't date her for a time, but saying that you'll never meat another girl like her is a bit of an overstatement. People are all different, but we're all still a lot alike, even the ones who think they are defying standards are just like the rest of us, and have people doing the exact same things as them. Long Long time again, their was some individuality, some profound scholars who no one could touch, but that is no more. I'm rambling a bit now, but the point is, I'm sure she was special to you, but in the broad sense she wasn't really all that special. You can remember her as the girl who got away if you want, or just as easily forget her, because she's just another person. The relationships we have are defined by what we are willing to put into them , and what we're willing to sacrifice, what flaws we are willing to ignore. You find someone like-able enough, who has similar enough general views that you can speak with respect when discussing important matter (strong gov. v.s. anarchy is a bad mix), and then you run with it.

[InnocenceLost57]

Hey darlin -



I'm sorry things aren't going so well. But if it's any comfort - know that you AREN'T alone!! There are plenty of people who "spaz out" when it comes to the opposite (or same) sex when they're romantically interested. Even people that they've been friends with forever suddenly become intimidating when viewed in that light.



But don't give up. You might have gone a bit over the top, but maybe give it some time and she might be willing to give it a go. Just don't put too much pressure on - too much pressure creates tension, and leads to the situation you described. And you never know, you might meet someone else who catches your fancy.



Just don't lose hope - though this feels like the end of the world right now, I promise you things will get better.



((hugs))