Help!

[popsicle]

i leave for brandons on tuesday.

and all he has planned for me and him are things i dont wanna do.

i dont even wanna go.

hes making me do stuff he knows i dont want to do cause hes a selfish asshole.

i need really honest advice.

you all know what the story is with him and i.

should i keep being his friend, hoping things will change. and he'll wake up and realize what hes been doing to me for like 6 years.

or should i end it? take that deep breath ive learned to take and tell him its over.



the whys of me not doing it yet are that i dont know if im just over reacting.

and that what if i do and i regret it. i made a mistake. im dumb.

ive put years into this friendship. would breaking it be a waste of all that time.

it would be a clean break.

no more. no talking on the phone no myspace no msn no facebook none of it.

id pack up everything that reminded me of him.



in my heart right now im saying all of this, asking for this and thinking ill never really leave him. but my brain is saying u need to end it.

im fighting with myself.

my heart always wins.

i dont know what to do.

HELP!

[Nikki]

girl, what are the stuff he wants you to do and you don't? does he like force you or so?

and hey, remmeber, he's the one keeping you away from cutting, are you ready to through this away?

[popsicle]

yes. because he uses guilt to keep me from cutting.

and i want to cut. i dont feel bad about wanting to. because i dont think theres anything wrong with it anymore.

[popsicle]

im at brandons now. and im useing this time to evaluate the situation.

im getting apposing advice from different people and its helped but also confused me.

so im gonna try and pay attention to how i feel here. with him.

if i cant find anything good about it, ill see what i do.

there are a lot of factors. one being that im going to counceling here in a few weeks and i want a professional opinion. im hoping that will help effect my decision.

and i do recognize it as a decison and one that i need to make sooner rather than later.

its a big giant one. and stressful so im scared obviuosly.

to make the wrong one as well as dealing with the pain that may come from the right one.

but dont stop giving me advice please, i need it all right now.