its come to an end

[popsicle]

most of you know my disfunctional relationship with my best friend.

well its over now.

he told me last week that he has to focus on his life and his boyfriend and he doesnt have time for anything else.

and me, well im expendable.

im getting used to it.

and people are trying to make me feel better by saying that he lost a good friend and when his relationship doesnt work out hes gonna find that he cant have me again.

but i dont see it that way.

i dont really care why or how or what the circumstances are.

all i see is that i lost my best friend.

regardless if he was an asshole and a jerk and for the most part treated me horrably.

i still lost my best friend.

ive never not had a best friend before.

i went straight from jordon to rachael to brandon.

ive had a best friend since i was 5.



maybe im just an overdramatic lunatic.

i just feel really alone now.

[anonymous08]

i'm here for you, heidi. always.

[Ingenuity]

thats to bad, I'm a bit numb to loosing "best" friends by now, it's just happened so many times to me. But, I figure, it's not the other person that makes you to best friends, it's the effort you put into the relationships. You could make a lot of people your "best" friend, it just involved spending lots of time with themm, talking, attempting to understand each other, becoming comfortable. You pick someone who you are initally drawn to and then with the proper tecknique you've built a friend. All of us only need so many good friends though, you can;t maintain a serious relationship, friendship or otherwise, with to many people at once, so some people will end up having to drop some people, and it looks like you got dropped. Sometimes I break off a relationship before they can drop me, when I start to see that they have a ton of friends, and I have very few, so it's me that needs them more than they need me, and I save them the trouble of slowly ditching me. Anywho, I think you should pick another friend who you have and work to make them a better friend, and allow them to replace them one who bumped you. It's upsetting to loose a good friend, but I don't think you should really be so mad at him. You to had some sort of relationship for a time, and thats all that you can ask another person for. You can't ask them to be with you forever unless you want to hear lies.

[popsicle]

first im not mad at him. i knew it was coming for a long time.

and also, i dont have any other friends. anymore to make a new good friend. im alone.

[Ingenuity]

they don't have to be friends, just aquanances. Me and me ex girlfriend were on terrible terms, not the worst break up ever, but hurt feelings and a lot of things said that should never be spoken. But, I just put that behind me and called her up to see if she wanted to hang out, and after a bit of that we're good. she's not some inhumanely close friend, not at all, but she is nice enough, and great to spend time with. We aren't even very compatible, but there's something about her that I really like. let me stop talking about me though. I have a tenedency to do that when I'm trying to explain things, because they way I realate to them is through personal experience. Anyway though, I've said that a ton of times to lots of people "I have no friends" and it's never true. (i guess it really depends on how exactly you define "friend", but im useing it loosely in this case) There is atleast one person you know who you have spent time with once or twice, forced (school etc...), or voluntary, who you don't mind and who doesn't mind you, who you can hang out with from time to time. You can't just spill your guts to them,(well, sometimes you can, but you have to realize on your own if thats the things to do based on the person) for now they'll be a buddy. spending time with them, I can't say that enough. thats how you build a realtionship, it isn't magic, or compadibility formulas, it's just what I said it was before, the effort you put into the relationship. One friend and then a couple "friends" will be enough, so just get out there and do things with people. Staying in yourhouse doesn't acomplish anything. (yes it does, but it doesn't build relationships as well as face to face contact)

[popsicle]

id rather the way that i am.

no friends means no drama. no problems.

id rather lonely than disappointed.

[Ingenuity]

if thats what you want, but at-least consider creating some friends, maybe in a few months...