DarkSoul's Journey

Want a blog or a journal on Helping Teens? This is the fourm for you! Create your topic, update it; the choice is yours!

Moderator: The Lounge Moderators

Post Reply
User avatar
DarkSoul
Loyal
Posts: 97
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:43 am

DarkSoul's Journey

Post by DarkSoul » Wed Jun 10, 2009 7:17 pm

Today is June 10, 2009. A very important day for me. No, its not my birthday, or my last day of school, or anything like that. Today is the day I've decided to stop cutting myself. I owe it all to Alias, without whom I'd probably be bleeding right now.

I began cutting myself sometime in December, and have continued doing so for the last six months. Until now.

If you are interested, congratulations! if not, I suggest you leave.

This page will track my path through the black tunnel of depression, self-injury, and suicidal thoughts. So, thank you Alias, I wouldn't be here without you!

User avatar
OverDrive
Veteran
Posts: 5171
Joined: Sun Dec 15, 2002 11:53 am
Contact:

Re: DarkSoul's Journey

Post by OverDrive » Wed Jun 10, 2009 9:41 pm

That's very good that you're going to stop cutting. You have our support.
Adam Marshall

HelpingTeens.org Owner

Image Articles Image Resources Image Live Chat Image Support Groups and much more!

Image

I can't think of a better use of server resources... I really can't.

User avatar
Barbies are Evil
Veteran
Posts: 4648
Joined: Sun Dec 15, 2002 7:52 pm
Contact:

Re: DarkSoul's Journey

Post by Barbies are Evil » Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:18 pm

I want you to know that you can always come here, and we will support, and not judge you. You have a safe place, I hope you can find comfort in that.
TJ[10:13 PM]: no not really..... it's all so.... like wow..... screw steps, you took a fuckin jet pack and strapped it on yourself and rocketed your way forward (thats my big bro)







And I'm going to extremes



Tomorrow I will change



And today won't mean a thing



I'm a bitch, I'm a tease



I'm a goddess on my knees



When you hurt, when you suffer



I'm your angel undercover



I've been numb, I'm revived



Can't say I'm not alive



You know I wouldn't want it any other way



Meredith Brooks-Bitch

User avatar
Cindy
Veteran
Posts: 3112
Joined: Sun Dec 15, 2002 11:54 am
Location: Michigan
Contact:

Re: DarkSoul's Journey

Post by Cindy » Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:44 pm

Congratulations on deciding to take this first step. We will be here as long as you need us to be :)
<!-- isHtml:1 --><!-- isHtml:1 -->The Support Group Rules Read them, live by them, and worship them

<strong class='bbc'>"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood." -Marie Curie[/b]

User avatar
Alias
Dedicated
Posts: 24
Joined: Fri Dec 05, 2003 9:52 am
Contact:

Re: DarkSoul's Journey

Post by Alias » Thu Jun 11, 2009 12:00 pm

Congratulations you should be so proud of yourself!!! I look forward to many more posts of a journey I am positive you will travel with so much strength & confidence. As everybody said you have alot of support & you will always find somebody around!!



Congrats again!!!



Alias

User avatar
DarkSoul
Loyal
Posts: 97
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:43 am

Re: DarkSoul's Journey

Post by DarkSoul » Thu Jun 11, 2009 4:47 pm

6/11/09

Last night was probably one of the hardest of my life. I wanted to watch myself bleed. I longed so desperately for the pain, even if it drew no blood. I had lost the one thing I could control, the one thing that no one knew about me. I couldn't sleep until 2:00am, I was too haunted by the siren-song of my discarded blades. I decided to begin writing down my story, and it hurt so much to think about, but it kept me from physically hurting myself. I am trying to stay strong, but I miss the ruby tears so much!

User avatar
Alias
Dedicated
Posts: 24
Joined: Fri Dec 05, 2003 9:52 am
Contact:

Re: DarkSoul's Journey

Post by Alias » Fri Jun 12, 2009 5:52 am

It's great you made it through your first night. You said that you lost the one thing that you could control, but look at you now ? You took control of your whole life refusing to give in to your urges.



Whenever you feel the urge try and distract yourself with anything. Go out, write, read, listen to music, come online or whatever you want to do to keep you focused.





We are here anytime!!



Alias

User avatar
DarkSoul
Loyal
Posts: 97
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:43 am

Re: DarkSoul's Journey

Post by DarkSoul » Fri Jun 12, 2009 9:42 am

ok thank you! I keep trying to distract myself. And its sort of wierd but I wrote mt starting and stopping dates everywhere, and its a good reinforcing reminder. I guess its whatever works.

User avatar
nirvana
Loyal
Posts: 38
Joined: Mon Mar 02, 2009 2:39 pm

Re: DarkSoul's Journey

Post by nirvana » Sun Jun 14, 2009 8:27 am

That's fantastic, congratulations on taking the first step. If writing down your start and stop dates help you stop, then keep going, do anything that helps you focus on other things. I hope you manage this, keep strong!
Next time you think you're perfect. Try walking on water

User avatar
DarkSoul
Loyal
Posts: 97
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:43 am

Re: DarkSoul's Journey

Post by DarkSoul » Wed Jun 24, 2009 5:08 pm

Todays my 2 week anniversary! yay! but it sucks like hell. I can't believe I've given this up. I enjoy it so much, even though I"m not suppossed to and people tell me I don't actually. I've come so close to pulling out the scissors so many times, and I"m getting sick of depriving myself. Is it really worth it? I mean, I feel worse and even more helpless now that I don't hurt myself! Somebody please convince me to stay cut-free!

User avatar
Barbies are Evil
Veteran
Posts: 4648
Joined: Sun Dec 15, 2002 7:52 pm
Contact:

Re: DarkSoul's Journey

Post by Barbies are Evil » Fri Jun 26, 2009 8:54 pm

is this helping any? getting your feelings out in here? we are here for you, but do you have any other outlet as well? like drawing/painting/writing? or even going for a walk? just something that clears your head :)
TJ[10:13 PM]: no not really..... it's all so.... like wow..... screw steps, you took a fuckin jet pack and strapped it on yourself and rocketed your way forward (thats my big bro)







And I'm going to extremes



Tomorrow I will change



And today won't mean a thing



I'm a bitch, I'm a tease



I'm a goddess on my knees



When you hurt, when you suffer



I'm your angel undercover



I've been numb, I'm revived



Can't say I'm not alive



You know I wouldn't want it any other way



Meredith Brooks-Bitch

User avatar
OverDrive
Veteran
Posts: 5171
Joined: Sun Dec 15, 2002 11:53 am
Contact:

Re: DarkSoul's Journey

Post by OverDrive » Fri Jun 26, 2009 11:39 pm

That's very very good and I'm proud of you. Yes, it is worth it. Life goes on, changes happen, it's how you deal with those changes that makes us strong. As you've found out, it's harder to refrain from cutting than it is to give into the feeling. The same goes for life, it's easier to end it, but then you don't have it. It's easier to give in, and give up than it is to fight.



Imagine what would happen if we didn't fight the 2 main wars, that are now considered WW1 and WW2. If Hitler got away with everything he did, and we didn't fight, would we be ruled by the Germans? (Sorry, just finished watching Valkyrie)



Anyways, It is worth not cutting, it is worth fighting because you will eventually have a better life (think hard at how it would be had we given up in the Wars, and how freedom would not be the same).



Perhaps displaying something either in your signature, on your computer, or what not may help you.



http://dollylala.webs.com/sibadges.htm



CausticTears has created the above badges that may help you stay SI Free.
Adam Marshall

HelpingTeens.org Owner

Image Articles Image Resources Image Live Chat Image Support Groups and much more!

Image

I can't think of a better use of server resources... I really can't.

User avatar
DarkSoul
Loyal
Posts: 97
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:43 am

Re: DarkSoul's Journey

Post by DarkSoul » Wed Jul 01, 2009 5:02 pm

Alright. Well, its been three weeks now, and you have all helped me so much. I can't describe how thankful I am.

User avatar
Cindy
Veteran
Posts: 3112
Joined: Sun Dec 15, 2002 11:54 am
Location: Michigan
Contact:

Re: DarkSoul's Journey

Post by Cindy » Wed Jul 01, 2009 7:16 pm

3 weeks That is GREAT! I'm so proud of you!
<!-- isHtml:1 --><!-- isHtml:1 -->The Support Group Rules Read them, live by them, and worship them

<strong class='bbc'>"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood." -Marie Curie[/b]

User avatar
secrets
Loyal
Posts: 32
Joined: Sun Aug 17, 2008 12:21 am
Location: nc, usa
Contact:

Re: DarkSoul's Journey

Post by secrets » Mon Jul 20, 2009 2:25 am

[quote name='DarkSoul' date='10 June 2009 - 05:17 PM' timestamp='1244675867' post='457710']

Today is June 10, 2009. A very important day for me. No, its not my birthday, or my last day of school, or anything like that. Today is the day I've decided to stop cutting myself. I owe it all to Alias, without whom I'd probably be bleeding right now.

I began cutting myself sometime in December, and have continued doing so for the last six months. Until now.

If you are interested, congratulations! if not, I suggest you leave.

This page will track my path through the black tunnel of depression, self-injury, and suicidal thoughts. So, thank you Alias, I wouldn't be here without you!

[/quote]

i hope that you are doing well. and im glad you have decided to stop.

*hugs*

User avatar
DarkSoul
Loyal
Posts: 97
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:43 am

Re: DarkSoul's Journey

Post by DarkSoul » Sat Oct 03, 2009 10:38 am

I'm falling into the haze again. I need help. I haven't actually cut myself for about a week since the last time (yes, I started again.) but I don't think that it will last. In fact, I know it won't. I really hate myself. Why do I keep living? I'm just a waste of space...

User avatar
Cindy
Veteran
Posts: 3112
Joined: Sun Dec 15, 2002 11:54 am
Location: Michigan
Contact:

Re: DarkSoul's Journey

Post by Cindy » Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:54 pm

Dark you are not a waste of space. You keep living because deep down you know you don't want to die. Your not ready too. You want to have a reason to live. You are your reason to live. It's rough, but you are a good person. Good people fall the hardest and have the roughest time getting back on their feet. I've fallen many many times, and every time I fall I learn another way to keep going. It's life.



You relapsed. It happens. Every addiction is hard to kick that's why it's called an addiction. Keep trying. I don't know anyone who stopped an addiction their first try. Heck I know I haven't.



Keep your chin up girl. Live is meant to be tough. If it wasn't where would be the challenges that we go after that makes life worth living?



You can do it. We've never met, but I KNOW that your strong, otherwise you wouldn't be here. You can fight the urges, you can do it. I believe in you.
<!-- isHtml:1 --><!-- isHtml:1 -->The Support Group Rules Read them, live by them, and worship them

<strong class='bbc'>"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood." -Marie Curie[/b]

User avatar
DarkSoul
Loyal
Posts: 97
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:43 am

Re: DarkSoul's Journey

Post by DarkSoul » Wed Oct 28, 2009 5:43 pm

I considered suicide about a week ago. Well maybe that's not quite accurate. Suicide simply seemed extremely easy and... appealing. But the really freaky thing is that I haven't had the urge to SI since then. I'm scared it's all going to come back at once. I can only stay numb for so long right? Is this really bad? And please don't just tell me that I'm "a good person for not going through with it" because I know that I'm a really messed-up person, so don't lie.

User avatar
DarkSoul
Loyal
Posts: 97
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:43 am

Re: DarkSoul's Journey

Post by DarkSoul » Tue Aug 31, 2010 3:52 pm

As of August 30 2010 I am home to stay. No more hospitals, suicide attemps, anything. I feel amazing and I'm so glad to be back

Post Reply