having a tough time...
Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 8:51 pm
Hi,
My name is Tricia. I kinda just need someone to talk to. At this point in my life I dont feel like I have anyone I can really talk about life to.... my grandma died on June 24, 2008 after being diagnosed with leukemia on June 1, 2008. At first I felt like it was a bad dream, like litterally I kept asking myself when I was going to wake up. It just felt unreal. My grandma was the first person I ever knew close to me to die. I still don't really get it. I have accpeted the fact that it is not a dream and that it is real but I cant understand it emotionally. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. I find my self crying most days, I have some good days but mostly bad. I don't think of hurting myself but I do wonder why I am here some times. I think I have far from the worst life, I was brought up with a good family, I am in good health for the most part, I have food and a place to sleep, I was blessed with the oppertunity to pursue a career in nursing which I will graduate with my RN in May of 09. I have never loved anyone more than my grandma. I think I might even love her more or the same amount as my own parents. I have so much good memories of her. I have thought about going to see a counsler because I think I do have an issue going on right now with greiving but I feel like whenever I went to a counsler in the past when I got there I kinda felt like my problems didn't mean that much. And on top of that I feel like I am loosing everyone in my life right now. My mom and sister moved to FL to my grandma's condo to keep the upkeeps on that until they can sell it and it seems like all my friends are moving away or messing up their lives in one way or another. I only feel happy when I am at work or at my clinical at the hospital because I am busy. I just dont know what to do anymore, I have to take like 3 benedryls most nights just to fall asleep, and that is really not normal for me and i know that that is a symptom of depression. I have tried reading books on death and dying and I also went to a seminar on it. I guess healing will come with time. I am just wondering if anyone has any tips for me in my greiving.
Thanks for your time,
Tricia
My name is Tricia. I kinda just need someone to talk to. At this point in my life I dont feel like I have anyone I can really talk about life to.... my grandma died on June 24, 2008 after being diagnosed with leukemia on June 1, 2008. At first I felt like it was a bad dream, like litterally I kept asking myself when I was going to wake up. It just felt unreal. My grandma was the first person I ever knew close to me to die. I still don't really get it. I have accpeted the fact that it is not a dream and that it is real but I cant understand it emotionally. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. I find my self crying most days, I have some good days but mostly bad. I don't think of hurting myself but I do wonder why I am here some times. I think I have far from the worst life, I was brought up with a good family, I am in good health for the most part, I have food and a place to sleep, I was blessed with the oppertunity to pursue a career in nursing which I will graduate with my RN in May of 09. I have never loved anyone more than my grandma. I think I might even love her more or the same amount as my own parents. I have so much good memories of her. I have thought about going to see a counsler because I think I do have an issue going on right now with greiving but I feel like whenever I went to a counsler in the past when I got there I kinda felt like my problems didn't mean that much. And on top of that I feel like I am loosing everyone in my life right now. My mom and sister moved to FL to my grandma's condo to keep the upkeeps on that until they can sell it and it seems like all my friends are moving away or messing up their lives in one way or another. I only feel happy when I am at work or at my clinical at the hospital because I am busy. I just dont know what to do anymore, I have to take like 3 benedryls most nights just to fall asleep, and that is really not normal for me and i know that that is a symptom of depression. I have tried reading books on death and dying and I also went to a seminar on it. I guess healing will come with time. I am just wondering if anyone has any tips for me in my greiving.
Thanks for your time,
Tricia