having a tough time...

Have you experienced the pain of losing someone close to you? Do you grieve over the death of someone you knew? Here is a safe place to seek support.

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Tricia1987
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having a tough time...

Post by Tricia1987 » Thu Oct 09, 2008 8:51 pm

Hi,

My name is Tricia. I kinda just need someone to talk to. At this point in my life I dont feel like I have anyone I can really talk about life to.... my grandma died on June 24, 2008 after being diagnosed with leukemia on June 1, 2008. At first I felt like it was a bad dream, like litterally I kept asking myself when I was going to wake up. It just felt unreal. My grandma was the first person I ever knew close to me to die. I still don't really get it. I have accpeted the fact that it is not a dream and that it is real but I cant understand it emotionally. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. I find my self crying most days, I have some good days but mostly bad. I don't think of hurting myself but I do wonder why I am here some times. I think I have far from the worst life, I was brought up with a good family, I am in good health for the most part, I have food and a place to sleep, I was blessed with the oppertunity to pursue a career in nursing which I will graduate with my RN in May of 09. I have never loved anyone more than my grandma. I think I might even love her more or the same amount as my own parents. I have so much good memories of her. I have thought about going to see a counsler because I think I do have an issue going on right now with greiving but I feel like whenever I went to a counsler in the past when I got there I kinda felt like my problems didn't mean that much. And on top of that I feel like I am loosing everyone in my life right now. My mom and sister moved to FL to my grandma's condo to keep the upkeeps on that until they can sell it and it seems like all my friends are moving away or messing up their lives in one way or another. I only feel happy when I am at work or at my clinical at the hospital because I am busy. I just dont know what to do anymore, I have to take like 3 benedryls most nights just to fall asleep, and that is really not normal for me and i know that that is a symptom of depression. I have tried reading books on death and dying and I also went to a seminar on it. I guess healing will come with time. I am just wondering if anyone has any tips for me in my greiving.

Thanks for your time,

Tricia

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Barbies are Evil
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Re: having a tough time...

Post by Barbies are Evil » Thu Oct 09, 2008 10:05 pm

Honestly, every person's grieving process is different........the only way I can really help is to tell you to keep on expressing your emotions. I'm so sorry for your loss.
TJ[10:13 PM]: no not really..... it's all so.... like wow..... screw steps, you took a fuckin jet pack and strapped it on yourself and rocketed your way forward (thats my big bro)







And I'm going to extremes



Tomorrow I will change



And today won't mean a thing



I'm a bitch, I'm a tease



I'm a goddess on my knees



When you hurt, when you suffer



I'm your angel undercover



I've been numb, I'm revived



Can't say I'm not alive



You know I wouldn't want it any other way



Meredith Brooks-Bitch

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Trickmatic
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Re: having a tough time...

Post by Trickmatic » Sun Nov 09, 2008 6:05 pm

Tricia, I don't know what to say because I really don't know the importance of your relationship with your grandmother. She sounds like a very an amazing woman. I'm sure she appreciates that you care for her so much, and would also want you to live your life happily. Keep expressing those emotions. We're here for you.

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