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Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 5:10 pm
A few weeks ago, I watched my friend committ suicide with a shotgun. I will sometimes hear the gun go off if I am by myself. I cant sleep at night. I can barely eat anything. Everytime I close my eyes I see that picture in my head. I am on sleeping pills, but they do not work for me.
I feel partly responsible for what happend. Even though I know it was none of my fault. I just wish that I could have helped him, I should have told someone, or called the cops, or at least call for his parents. But I did nothing to stop him. The best that I could do was talk to him and be there for him when he needed me.
I dont know, it all just seems so unreal what I had to watch. I really do not know how to handle this. This is just bringing me closer to committing suicide.
Re: My Friend
Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 5:29 pm
I'm very sorry about your loss and I couldnt imagine how hard it would be. I'm sure your friend was going though some rough times, but just remember not to follow her path of suicide. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It can be hard to get over your friends death, and having flashbacks can make it a bit harder. You know that you aren't guilty and you need to know that, it happened and unfortunatly we can't go back and change the past.
About flashbacks, usually flackbacks are a bit frightening and feel out of control, but truely they are a healthy sign that you are ready to heal. Flashbacks should get less frequent as time goes on, but if they don't you should consult a theripist to help you.
Also you friend doesn't want you to be sad, I'm sure she/he would want you to be happy. She/he problay didn't realise that there were people out there that cared about him/her. But I'm sure you are a great friend and you should just try to be happy about it, it can be hard, but I'm sure he/she wouldn't want you to feel this way. If you ever need anything you can always PM me. Take Care.
Re: My Friend
Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 6:53 pm
We all wonder what we could have done to change the past. That's normal. What you need to do is take a step back and realize that once someone seriously has it in their mind to commit suicide - there is hardly anything you can do. You can talk to them. But in all honesty, sometimes they're refusing to listen. All you can do is say "I tried. If they didn't listen, there isn't anything I can do." as for your sleeping problem - that will eventually subside. You just need time to heal. Talk to someone. Your parents. A therepist. Talk to your friends' parents. They know how you're feeling. Grieve with them. Sometimes it takes someone sufferings with the same problem to help heal your own misery. Suicide is never the answer. Look at how you're feeling about your friend. Do you want others to feel your pain over you? sweety, IM me. We'll have a talk. I'll listen to you. You need to get everything off your mind. I'm always around.
Re: My Friend
Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 11:53 pm
Thanks for your words you two. I have been talking to a therapist and she sent me back to the hospital on Monday. Just got out yesterday. They diagnosed me with PTSD. I am trying to handle it the best that I can. I still see those pictures in my head and I still cant sleep at night. I am working on it though