Coming Out

[hopeless_]

move on if you are sick of these, because I'm sure you've heard it many many times before



only a few select people know I'm gay, that being 3 friends. Recently I told another person and a few days later I came out to another person. It's just become easier and easier to come out than the first time, obviously. Thing is, I'm in senior year and next week will the last week of lesson and then exams in may and I will probably never see most of these people...ever. So I was wondering if I should tell the last few people I wish to tell this oh so "big" secret. I haven't because I've mostly been afraid that they may blurt it out to someone else because they might think it's not a big deal. But see, I know it's nobody's freakin business about my sexuality, but if I stay closeted wouldn't that make it harder for me to come out when I get into college or uni or wherever in the future? Obviously it's the feeling of rejection and the homophobic reactions but I will meet other people who do not accept homosexuality and I can't just keep having to make up a story like "I think my brother is gay, what would you do if your brother was gay" to see what their reaction to homosexuality would be like. SO my thought was to use this as a sort of 'training' so that it feels like I don't have to hide it as much and you know if it goes all to hell it doesn't really matter, since I won't see these people ever again after these 10 days.

I'll keep it short now, because it's getting pretty long



Friend 1 who knows: "I think you shouldn't care if people accept you or not, because a lot will and other will not but it doesn't matter because you should be comfortable with who you are"



Friend 2 who knows: "hmm, I don't know, some people are homophobic like person X and person Y, it's probably a good idea not to."



Background: me coming out wouldn't be a complete shock, "OMG you are?!?!?!". There has been speculation behind my back, but no one has had the damn guts to just come up and ask me. Then again I'd probably lie...



ok... so, what's your verdict on this pretty insignificant topic *beg* should I or is it a mistake...

[Doug]

Do it. I rarely talk to people from high school anymore and it's been 2 years since I graduated.



Regardless of whether or not you come out in high school, you should be open about it in college. From my experience, nobody cares too much.

[SirPostAlot]

I agree w/ doug, it will be a learning experience and you even said that it is easier to come out after you have done it to others, so after saying it to your other friends, then it will be easier in college...



i say go for it, hun...



and i wish you the best of luck!



~Jeff~

[Paris In Flames]

Coming out is only a mistake if you make it one.



I came out and it was a mistake.

I totally regret it.

*shrug*



Do what you want.

But unless you're not fully comfortable with yourself, I suggest you don't.



Come out for YOURSELF.

Not other people.



Cheers,



Jenna

[SirPostAlot]

i so agree w/ jenna, come out for you and not for others...

it is a learning experience, i am going to be open about me (as i am now) next year throughout college - and it seems like you are going to be in the same boat, like you won't deny it when people ask...and i feel like that is the best way to go ~ like you don't need to come out and scream im gay, but whenever people ask just say yeah...you know?



~Jeff~

[Doug]

i so agree w/ jenna, come out for you and not for others...

it is a learning experience, i am going to be open about me (as i am now) next year throughout college - and it seems like you are going to be in the same boat, like you won't deny it when people ask...and i feel like that is the best way to go ~ like you don't need to come out and scream im gay, but whenever people ask just say yeah...you know?



~Jeff~

[/b]

This is the best approach. For Jeff, though, he'll be asked a lot more than you.



It's my approach, and I haven't been asked yet. People that add me as a friend on Facebook (college type of myspace) see it, I think, but that's about it.



By doing this, you're much much less likely to encounter complete jerks about it.

[hopeless_]

Ofcourse it was never my intention to go on a stage and blurt it out it's just that people have assumed from the start that I was straight, but obviously I was putting up an act as well. Thing is, what if someone asks me something along the casual line of "so are you seeing any girl?" or "what kind of girl do you like". Should I say that I'm not really attracted to the ladies? Or should I lie? Assuming this is not a random person I never talk to. I get what you are saying, that I should be comfortable with myself enough to be this open and should only do it for myself. But wouldn't it make me comfortable by being this open? A chance to not hide and therefore be more comfortable in my own skin around other people? Or am I looking at this in a totally different angle?

I just don't want to feel like I'm some freak who has to hide, is all.

In any case, I see college as a new start, and I will most probably (*fingers crossed*) be open to any question regarding my sexuality, so as to not wait until graduation to do it... again. Or maybe I can do it at the graduation speech, for dramatic effect... haha, just kiddin

[SirPostAlot]

haha yeah doug, i'll be asked soo much, haha...

hmm, im in the same boat : i visulize college as a new start...

but if they ask you if you have a gf, just say "no" (its not lieing)...

and if they ask you your type just laugh and say your not into girls, or something (thats what i do and they understand, as long as you show it in good humor and don't be like "and what makes you think im straight?" ~ like don't come off as a snobby person you know? just show that you are open w/ your sexuality and are in good humor w/ it....)



~Jeff~

[Bleeding~Hero]

I think I would. Just for the simple closure of it, knowing that they know.

But that's just me.

[SirPostAlot]

well, you know what hun, i was thinking this: reunions...

i mean seriously if you think about when you go to hs reunions (and even if you say you won't, i bet somewhere down the road you will go to one) you will walk in w/ your "guest" and they will see that it is someone of the same gender, and seriously i doubt they will care...and wouldnt' it be better to tell the people now? becuase not only will it show that you are ready to open up to others and to let them into your life, it is sorta a way of closure knowing that you are ok w/ who you are (so for external purposes as well as internal)...

haha, well that was just one of the many weird visual senerios i had in my head latly...hmm..there is soo much chaos up there that i figure i would let ya'll think about it...

so, to recap, like we have been saying coming out is for you - not for them - and wouldn't you rather have them knwoing that you are gay as you go into the reunion rather than have it be a big shock, so for you it will be alot more relaxed ebcuase not everyone will be coming up to you and being like "omg, i always thought you were gay", you know just so its on the more casual everybody-who is important-knows level?



think about it



haha, take care



~Jeff~