Lover Or A Hater

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~BrokenDown~
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Lover Or A Hater

Post by ~BrokenDown~ » Wed Apr 06, 2011 11:17 am

Lover or a Hater









As I sit here under this moon

I wonder what is going on..

I don't understand you it's a mixed-up love song

This pain..

It shall surly bring my life to ruin.

I want to tell you how I feel..

But will you laugh, will you be mad?

Will you think that I'm for real?

I have to much to lose so I'm trapped.

Suffocating in these feelings.

Shocked as if I have been slapped.

Self-torture it is to think about it.

I'm just making my self go into a fit.

Thoughts of you torture me day in and day out.

I wonder if this is what crushes are all about..

Do I have a chance? it doesn't seem so..

Could it be your hiding too?

That's something I will never know..

This storm over my head,

In my confusion and despair.

I'm wondering if I'll ever get through

or if you and I even have a chance..

In life's and love's affair.

I want to know what is going on.

I'm to shy to tell you how I really feel

but it won't be long until I can't be strong.

I can't let you know these feelings that are so real.

I wish something would happen soon.

As I sit here under this moon

I really don't know what to say.

should I come out in the open..

or keep my feelings held at bay?

I wish I could see if it's my imagination..

or if you really like me.

I ask for a sign sooner rather than later.

Ohh..I wish I knew..

If you’re a lover or a hater.



Please feel fre to give your opinion. if yuo see any gramer errors please bring them to my attention to fix.
"Life is not the cards you hold.. its how well you play them."

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~BrokenDown~
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Re: Lover Or A Hater

Post by ~BrokenDown~ » Thu Apr 07, 2011 2:28 pm

Well what do you think about it?
"Life is not the cards you hold.. its how well you play them."

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AlaaAbuali
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Re: Lover Or A Hater

Post by AlaaAbuali » Thu Apr 07, 2011 2:41 pm

I think it was amazing, I loved it, there was rhythm and music and you used strong vocabulary, I really loved it, it's actually the best you've written so far.

There was just one part 'I'm to shy to tell you how I really feel

but it won't be long until I can't be strong.'

It just doesn't sound right when you say 'but it won't be long until I can't be strong' It sounds weird, so maybe you could try to change it around a bit. And also I noticed it several times, that you say 'to' when you should actually say ' too' for example 'I have to much to lose so I'm trapped', so the first to should actually be 'too' much to lose so I'm trapped. You use too when you're describing something that is alot, okay?

That's my only critique, other than that, it was awesome! Perfect!
<!-- isHtml:1 --><!-- isHtml:1 --><strong class='bbc'>Alaa Abuali[/b]

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