Defeated

How can this be happening? Why is it always me? Do you ever ask yourself these questions or do you simply want to vent? Do it all here, we'll try to help.

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Notte
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Joined: Thu Jan 07, 2010 1:47 am

Defeated

Post by Notte » Mon Sep 26, 2011 4:27 am

I'm not sure where to start this, I'm not even sure if this is where this would go. I feel as if I have been forsaken by my faith, constantly running in a painted nightmares dancing design. I can't breathe, I feel like every moment I'm just suffocating and there is no place for me to turn too. I can scream and it's like no one even hears. For so many, oh so many years I have been fighting, trying to stay strong, tried to find something to believe in or maybe even something or someone that believed in me. Now, I just feel hollow. I feel like there is just nothing left and I'm hanging over the ledge of my own sanity, trying to find the quickest or maybe easiest way out. I wish that I was strong enough to pick myself up, to hold on a little longer, to be enough to save myself. I wish I knew another way to save myself, but I've tried so many ways to save me, and I just don't feel the love anymore, the belief anymore. It's like I know, I know I will come down from here, but then I know in the same aspect that its only a matter of time. I'm losing my grip, my toes hanging over the edge.



From the outside everything seems fine, inside my mind it's only chaos that is left behind. Feel things haunting me and my dreams. I breathe the hate in, let it out, drowning in a hole that I can't get out. Locking it in so no one sees, I feel safe, but I know that this is killing me. These sins I carry are only mine. Stuck in this place, so alone, obtaining non existent sleep. I walk around in circles, remembering my only mental defeat, etching the words into my deepest memories. I can't take back those screams, there written into me. A twisted perception of what I am, who I'll be, cast this aside as another forgotten memory.



There are just so many things that are tearing me apart, bringing me down, drowning me. My family, my friends, my relationship, financial issues, health issues, the loss, and the move back to where everything had been taken away. I don't even know where to begin to scratch this surface of the dark abyss that is taking over my very being. I feel like it is too late, clearly to late, and there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

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