Am I A Bitch?

How can this be happening? Why is it always me? Do you ever ask yourself these questions or do you simply want to vent? Do it all here, we'll try to help.

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English_Rose
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Am I A Bitch?

Post by English_Rose » Sun Aug 06, 2006 7:04 pm

I thought I'd post this topic because I can't sleep as I'm fretting so much over something so small but I need people's views and please be honest!

Just recently I've been thinking am I a super-bitch? If your wondering why I think this it's for a number of reasons, the main one being:

(To cut a loooooong story short) There are thse 2 girls who me and my friend Zara have known (like in school) for 4 years now and for about 3 of those years, they've had problems with both of us. They bullied me in Year 8 as they said I was 'posh' (I'm now going into Year 11 in September) and I had to tell off them as I was so scared of them. Then in Year 9 and until now they've given my friend Zara shit because she gets guys (and they're jealous). In Year 10 this year, they started being really mean to Zara so I stood up for her because I'm so sick of them, they're horrible. Zara was too scared to stand up to them so I did and it all ended up in a fight between me and the 2 girls as they wouldn't drop it and I kept giving it them back as I was sick of them walking all over me/us. But now everyone hates us (me and Zara and the other 2 girls in our group) but it's worse for me as I stood up to them. They're like the 'known' girls in our year and they've turned everyone against us. All this hatred between us stems from (apart from the bullying in Year 8) the fact that me and my friends wear make-up and like to look nice so we are apparently 'up our own arses'.

Writing this I know I don't sound like a bitch but noone else has stood up to them and I did, so I feel like one. I'm hated in my year and it's ten times worse too as our year's tiny and everyone knows everyone, I don't have many friends as Zara is friends with our other friend Tara and I know they don't really like me (beats me as to why, especially as I stood up for Zara!)

It's just stuff like that really and I don't have any confidence at all anymore. I thought finally standing up to the girls would give me more but it hasn't. I envy my friend Jade (I know her from outside of school, in my area) as she has loads of friends and none of them seem as horrid as the girls in my school/year and she actually does have a social life!

I'm so insecure now and I'm paranoid about everything, I slag people off because I think they don't like me when I don't have any clue as to think that they do. I can't really speak to people like I used to anymore and I'm not my usual bubbly self. I find it hard to trust others now. Please tell me what to do, do you think I'm a bitch because I'd like someone to tell me the truth. Please help me figure out what to do with myself because I'm constantly feeling down.

Love Lauren xxx

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CanadaCraig
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Re: Am I A Bitch?

Post by CanadaCraig » Mon Aug 07, 2006 5:33 am

Hi Lauren!! :)



IF standing up for a friend makes someone a 'bitch' - then all I can say is, "I sure wish the world had more bitches!!"



Based on your message - there is NOTHING 'bitchy' about what you did. Even how you write makes it hard for me to believe that YOU are a 'bitch'.



As someone who was also bullied - I know all too well how being called 'names' can cause a person to become confused. Like you - I couldn't help but wonder if there wasn't at least a little bit of truth in what the bullies were saying. But that's where the power of the bully comes from. Bullies depend upon the sensitivities of others. IF you [and I] instantly dismissed what they said to us as complete and utter nonsense - the bullies would soon realize that and stop wasting their time. But if a bully is lucky - they'll find a victim that questions the validity of their cruel remarks. This is what you have done. [And that's what I did] Am I suggesting that you [and other victims] are to blame? NOT AT ALL. They're just nicer people and find it difficult to dismiss the remarks made by other people.



It's important - I think - to understand the dynamics surrounding the issue of bullying. Imagine - if you will - a room full of people. In that room is a bully. Almost always - that bully will have several so-called 'friends'. But more often than not - those 'friends' are not really 'friends' at all - just people who don't want to become the TARGET of the bully. A bully is like a 'guy with a gun'. IF you stand next to him - he probably won't shoot you. [i.e. make YOU his next victim] That 'logic' is why some people seem to 'kiss up' to the bullies of the world. As for the other people in the room - they don't want to become a victim either. And almost all of them will protect themselves by NOT taking sides. They'll try to become 'invisible' to the bully. [And his or her 'friends'] That's understandable - but for the victim [or victimS] of the bully - it gives the wrong impression. It's human to assume that if someone is SILENT when something horrible is said - then they must AGREE with what's being said. But that's not true. The silence is almost always motivated by self preservation. And - to be honest - cowardice. It takes courage [a LOT of courage - sometimes] to defend a victim. And the courage comes from knowing that BY saying something - 'you' might become the 'target'.



Knowing that.... what can you do?!



First of all... assume NOTHING insofar as what the 'silent majority' are THINKING. Be nice to THEM. Be polite and supportive. [and be genuine - of course] There is nothing you can do about a bully [or his or her 'friends'] but you CAN do something about those who have remained seemingly indifferent. What you CAN do is effect your reputation among those who are NOT your 'enemies'. Earn THEIR respect and your influence within the school will increase. [And the impact of what the bullies SAY about you will DECREASE]



And if you're up to to it - talk to a teacher about starting up an anti-bullying campaign. Believe me - you and Zara are NOT the only one's being bullied and picked on in your school. And I'm sure most of them would love to know that THEY are not alone!!



No matter what you do in life - always remember that the one MOST responsible for YOUR reputation is YOU. So never allow what someone else says or does to be your excuse to become LIKE them!!



GREAT BIG HUG

Craig!! :)
"It takes FAR MORE COURAGE to be KIND than it does to be CRUEL!!"

Be sure to LIKE my Love The Bully Facebook Page!

Please visit 'Cambilar'! It's where you'll find my eBooks!

I am a 54 year old guy from Canada!! :)

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Rob
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Re: Am I A Bitch?

Post by Rob » Mon Aug 07, 2006 7:55 am

Sticks and stones dear, sticks and stones.

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CanadaCraig
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Re: Am I A Bitch?

Post by CanadaCraig » Mon Aug 07, 2006 8:02 am


Sticks and stones dear, sticks and stones.

[/b]
Hi Rob!! :)



"Sticks and stones may break your bones....."



But 'names' can hurt FOREVER!!



[the updated version based on REALITY]



GREAT BIG HUG

Craig!! :)
"It takes FAR MORE COURAGE to be KIND than it does to be CRUEL!!"

Be sure to LIKE my Love The Bully Facebook Page!

Please visit 'Cambilar'! It's where you'll find my eBooks!

I am a 54 year old guy from Canada!! :)

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Kit
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Re: Am I A Bitch?

Post by Kit » Mon Aug 07, 2006 2:25 pm


Sticks and stones dear, sticks and stones.

[/b]
Hi Rob!! :)



"Sticks and stones may break your bones....."



But 'names' can hurt FOREVER!!



[the updated version based on REALITY]



GREAT BIG HUG

Craig!! :)

[/b][/quote]



Very true!



Dear - You're not a 'bitch'. People's mean-hearted analysis on you like that is terribly wrong and should be ignored by you. You should replace the word 'bitch' with 'lovely lady'. :) Have a great day dear-heart. :)
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