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I Don't Know What To Do Any More.

Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 8:30 pm
by hyperhunny
I don't know what to do any more. I kinda gave up on myself. I have absolutely no self confidence or belief in myself. i'm not me any more. im not happy, i quit all sports i ever did. im lazy. i grew up with two beautiful sisters. and knowing it. my dad always told me i was the ugly one. and he wished he never had me. and i understand that i wasn't suppose to be here. i was a "planned" baby, but he didn't like me. but idk. because i am, i am here, and if i am i just want to have a happy life. and right now im balling my eyes out cause i can't do this any more. I've been hospitalized, 3 times, for depression, suicidal attempts, self harm, and anerexia. All have failed. i felt best when i had an ED. [Eating disorder] but i don't wanna go back to that. I'm just so screwed up now, i don't know what to do. i don't even feel like theres a reason to be living, im not smart, im not pretty, im not anything. i was athletic, but i stopped due to account of injury. i was really good too, but i had to stop. I've tried everything. and i mean every thing to make me feel better about myself. i studied and did okay. at least a 92 in all my classes, i went back to sports and did ok. for track i was 2nd for hurdling 1st for high jump and 1st for the 400. i started using make up, did my nails. got make overs, hair everything. and nothing was good enough. i know i'm a bit of a perfectionist, but im not bad. nothing has worked. i still compare myself to every one. and please don't just tell me to be "positive" and to "stop comparing" because i've tried, for years. i've ignored the thoughts, the beliefs, and the supposed "lies." still didn't work. yeah i thought more so "positive" and ignored the thoughts of ohh , " she is gorgeous, and im just not even close" but it didn't change my self & mental image. every time i try to talk to my friends, they tell me to stop trying to get attention, and just go with it. so i've learned to keep my mouth shut. for years. its been so long. and i don't know what to do any more. i'm sorry i just wasted about 4 minutes of your life. :(



oh. and i don't know if this is really allowed. but please talk to me on myspace. not aim, or email. my parents watch me do that and yeah.



myspace = http://www.myspace.com/adidasequalslove

Re: I Don't Know What To Do Any More.

Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2006 11:19 pm
by turtbub
Lindsey,



Hi. Before I start spouting off advice and such, I want you to know something. You didn't waste my time by writing this post. In fact, I'm GLAD that I took the time to read it and that I'm replying. I hate seeing someone who feels the way you do because I was in the same place you are a year ago. It's horrible, I know, but I want you to know that it's wonderful you posted this. :hug: It shows you're willing to try.



The sad truth is that each of us is our own worst critic. You say that you aren't smart or pretty or athletic anymore, but I think that most likely you are harder on yourself than anyone else is. Your father sounds awful and I'm sorry he treats you the way he does, tells you those awful things, but you can get past that. Some people are just going to put you down. It's up to you how you deal with it.



I won't tell you to stop comparing, because if it were that simple both of our lives would be a hundred times easier. The truth is that EVERYONE compares themself to other people. It's human nature to want to be "the best". But you know what? No one is the best at everything. And those who are the best at something don't stay the best for long. Life is change and rotation.



I bet that if you could get past your critical views of yourself you would see yourself as the beautiful, worthwhile girl that I am certain you are. Everyone has flaws, dear, it's what makes us human and it's what makes us unique.



So hang in there. I'm around if you ever want to talk. I hope things look up soon.



Love, Hannah

Re: I Don't Know What To Do Any More.

Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 7:04 am
by Rob
I felt very tempted to get a MySpace account, just so I could see the larger version of your picture. I think that speaks for itself -- considering how much I hate MySpace. ^^'

Re: I Don't Know What To Do Any More.

Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 6:24 pm
by hyperhunny
i wanted to thank you those who posted replies, and who have contacted me on myspace :) :( . but i don't know what to do. agh. some one please help me. i don't want to be like this. and i can't help it. im never good enough for anyone. to every one im just so stupid, and i mess up everything. i could really use some one to talk to.



sn = godfrey098

myspace = look at first post.



i don't even care if my parents know what im feeling again. i don't f reaking care. i quit on myself. theres no freaking hope. today i went for a run and did soo horrible im not even going to say tiimes. i understand all athletes ahve bad days, but this is like 4 bad years. and i don't know what to do about my looks. i threw all of my make up out, my straightner my every thing. because make up isn't me. and i hate it. and now i look uglier then ever.



someone please please please help me. i don't know if i can take much more of thiss...



i just don't wanna be me any more.

Re: I Don't Know What To Do Any More.

Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 11:02 pm
by turtbub
I'm here for you, and so are lots of other people on here.



If you'd like to talk, I'm around. My sn is "turtbub", so feel 100% free to IM me anytime. You could also PM me through HT and I'll get back to you.



:hug: Take care and hope to talk to you soon.

Re: I Don't Know What To Do Any More.

Posted: Sat Jul 29, 2006 12:00 am
by Far~From~heaven
well, you're prettier than me! From now on, just listen to yourself; you only know how special you really are!!!