Argh!

How can this be happening? Why is it always me? Do you ever ask yourself these questions or do you simply want to vent? Do it all here, we'll try to help.

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sbloemeke
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Argh!

Post by sbloemeke » Sun Mar 12, 2006 11:28 pm

I want to scream. Real bad. Just let it all out. It's like my life is nothing but explosions, pain, and fights for control.

It's like, I am physically beggining to lose control of some of my motor functions. Sarah must be taking a strong hold now, because this happened last time. I find myself shifting in and out of personalities in class, losing my train of thought more, and sometimes physically twitching. Like in Physics, the other day, Andrew was looking at me do my work, and my hand was SHAKING! And I couldn't stop it. Just like how I find myself slowly losing control over what my legs do. They are collapsing at times, or seem incredibly weak. It is insane. My head starts spinning at times, and I lose control of my thoughts at times, arguing with myself.

Yet, then it's over. I'm in a different personality. Sarah had taken hold of me. Yet, I'm not inside watching. It's like, I'm controlling her, just she is so different. I HATE IT! I hate all of this! Just let me BE her, not some guy in limbo. I want to be female so bad... :'(

And not only that, but I hate how my birthday managed to get extended for so long. My Grandmother HAD to die 3 days after my birthday. It couldn't have been 6 or 7. It had to be then. So, I get to open up a present that was meant for me by her, post-death. I pray that none of you ever have to LIVE through that. And then today, we had the party. A month and 4 days after the fact. I WANT TO LET GO!

And then I have all of these failures at life that I am suddenly feeling. I don't know. Maybe the past few years are finally getting to me. Maybe they are exploding out of the bottle I let fill ever so slowly, trying to dump it whenever I could, but the bottom had solidified when I tried to. Maybe it's just the usual life, I'm just being overly emotional about it. I HATE ALL OF THIS! LET ME FREAKING DIE!

Ugh. And now I feel worse than when I started.
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