Need some advice/suggestions.

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w0lf_z3r0
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Need some advice/suggestions.

Post by w0lf_z3r0 »

I'm not sure if this is the proper forum, if it is not please move this post accordingly for me? - thanks.



Anyways to get on with what I need help with (this isn't a relationship issue even though it might seem as such early on, it is not, but to fully explain the situation I need to explain this as well.)



I am currently 18, I'm living at home currently (I just turned 18 a few months ago), and my girlfriend is 16, turning 17 in November. Recently some things have come up in my life that might force me to move out of state (approx ~600 miles away from her) - I don't want to leave her, I love her to death, and am IN love with her, but my parents have an amazing job offer that will relocate them and everything else, I don't currently have a job or my license just yet (I will have my license in about 3 weeks). Now that I've described my situation, I need some general help with some of this stuff:



My parents have been very supportive of me not wanting to leave, have been doing as much as they can to sort this all out, they've offered to let her move with us, take care of her, all expenses, pay for her schooling, and everything else, but that isn't the problem.



The problem is convincing her mom to let her go. I realize that its hard on her as well, but the basic thing is, her mom doesn't necessarily treat her that well anyways, has a lot of problems (including drug problems)

and a lot of bills and other things to take care of.



I know in the long run that this is the best thing for everyone, fresh start for me, fresh start for her, and her mom would have less expenses to worry about, not only that but my girlfriend (technically she is my fiancee but we have only told a few select people thus far about that.) would actually be able to finish highschool and go to college unlike right now where she most likely will not be able to do either, I know the distance factor is a thing with her mom too and her mom being unsure of the whole relationship, but all of that would be guaranteed that if she wanted to leave she could, and we could visit a few times a month/spend the night here a lot, etc.



So basically what it gets down to, is I need suggestions on how to explain this to her mom, and re-assure her that everything will be okay, knowing that she will be safe and taken care of.



I really just need help on how to word all this and approach her mom, my parents have agreed to go and talk to her mom with me and help re-assure her as well, I'm just not sure exactly what to say. I'm also not sure of all the legal aspects, I know with consent she can go, but is there any other way? I'm a pretty level headed person and can usually figure everything out on my own, and I hate bothering people for help but I am just so scared of being so far away from her, and I really just need some help working all of this out.



I'm sorry for the long post, but I felt it was necessary to fully explain the situation as best as I can, if any more information is needed I'll gladly post as much as I can. I'm also sorry if this is the wrong forum, as I said in the beginning, I'm not exactly sure where this would belong - so move it accordingly, but please do not delete it. Thank you. And thanks to everyone for any help in advance, I'd really really appreciate help with this situation.
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Barbies are Evil
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Re: Need some advice/suggestions.

Post by Barbies are Evil »

She can look into getting emancipated, especially if her mom really does have all those problems....thats the only legal way without a parents consent.
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w0lf_z3r0
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Re: Need some advice/suggestions.

Post by w0lf_z3r0 »

Yeah. I figured as much. But thats a long procedure and gathering proof of such things would be rather hard.
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Dozer94
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Re: Need some advice/suggestions.

Post by Dozer94 »

im so happy for you. and your right about this being a complicated situation. im not really sure about how to word the conversation, but i do know its dangerous. you and your parents are legal adults. you would be taking a minor to live with you. you said her mom has drug problems. that means she's not always stable. i do know from experience that if your fiances mom gets mad or misses her daughter when shes unstable, as her guardian and parent, she can call the police and arrest you and your family for kidnapping. she can call when she wants and report your discriptions, state, and place of residence. my stepmom informed my brother and i of this on a vacation bc she believed my mom was mad enough to do that. im not sure how to go around this legal aspect but i did want to let you know before you made any major decisions.
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w0lf_z3r0
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Re: Need some advice/suggestions.

Post by w0lf_z3r0 »

Yes, I know the risk of that, which is why most likely if we get her to agree with this we'd have some sort of legal documentation drawn up and probably get a lawyer to look more into it, OR get her mom to sign papers for her to get married, which, legally, will emancipate her. The main thing is getting her mom convinced to do it. Because my only other choice is to stay here and struggle to stay on my own until next year (as after my parents leave, I'll have no family within ~100 miles and know no one here really.)



This is the easiest route if it works out and the best one, as not only do my parents have jobs there, but so do I and possibly her if everything worked out, not to mention schooling and everything taken care of. but regardless I'm not leaving her. If I have to suffer for a year to stay by her side then so be it - I cannot bear to leave her, I also just mostly need to get a lot of this stress off my chest. Life is so complicated. I wish me and her could just move together with no problems, I wish people could see how much I care about her, and how I'm not going to let anything happen to her.
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Dozer94
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Re: Need some advice/suggestions.

Post by Dozer94 »

i was dating a boy like you. only hes just turning seventeen. we aren't as lucky as you are tho. i know it hard and you just want to move through everything smoothly but life isnt so nice. its good that your trying to protect her and that you wont leave her. it shows how great of a husband you'll be for her in the long run. does her mom know you guys are engaged? it may be easier to put your point across if her mom sees how serious you are about each other. and did she get married young? thats leverage that your girlfriend could use. and is she going to be there to try to persuead her mom? she'll know how to talk to her better than anyone.
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RNA
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Re: Need some advice/suggestions.

Post by RNA »

As you are saying, if her mom has all those problems, you can gain control of her legally. I can't tell you the exact terms as I belong to a different legislation. It maybe worth talking to a Lawyer. However, let me tell you a few possibilities.



1) You can(your parents or someone who is on your side actually) cite her mom's instability as a reason and claim guardianship of the girl if there are possibilities on base of security for the girl.

Yes, people call this adoption. Also, you can try convincing her mom by giving the girl some legal security.



2) You can marry her in which case she becomes emancipated automatically & also there's assurance for her mom. This is the most perfect way but as you know this is something very very serious. This is something very straight-forward but again her mom should consent for marriage but as you know, this gives her the assurance she wants & lots of legals security to your relationship.



3) You can make her emancipated. This involves proving in court that the girl has the ability to decide on her own. This usually involves a Doctor/Psychologist's certification. Meet your lawyer for more info. This should be done through an Attorney.



As for my country, I'm lucky enough as the age of consent is 16 in my place. But, man, I never think my parents will make such an offer to me. In that case, man you are very lucky!



Or, last but not the least, you can wait for an year till she turns 18.



Also, you can try making an offer like getting the mom to meet the girl every weekend or in a frequent manner as she want. I don't know how possible this maybe to you. I don't know the implications of the 600km distance in your place.



I'm sorry if my reply is late. I just joined the forum today.
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