Tell her?

[SirPostAlot]

Okay i have stated before that my mom is a recovering alcholic who fears her children will follow those horrid footsteps (and my sister is on the way)...

So she always looks at me and gives me those damn lectures about drinking in college, etc...

And like i tell her that i know that alcholism runs in the family and i am not going to get drunk plus i know if i ever feel the urge to crave it, i will seek help (i don't want to fuck up my life because of stupid impulses)...

So anyway, she was asking me the other day if i drank at all this semster (and i looked into her eyes and i could feel her pain --> so i didn't tell her the truth, nor did i lie...i simply said "what do you think?")

but the thing is this semseter i drank once - we were on a trip for a seminar in Ohio and i drank a glass of wine (over the course of like 2 1/2 hours) while everyone else got drunk...

I didn't have the crave for more, i was content with one...i didn't pace myself over the 2 1/2 hours on purpose, i simply drank it when i was thirsty or w/e...

this isn't the 1st time i have drank -- but each time i do its simply a glass of wine or a mikes hard lemonade over the course of an hour...

I know that alcholism runs in the family and i am not going to go down that path -- but like i said i am not pacing myself in fear, but i am simply enjoying myself and one glass of wine i am content with - i don't have a buzz or anything nor am i searching for one...

So the question remains --- should i tell her? I love her dearly and i don't want to hurt her, but then again i don't want her to worry that i am drinking under the table....

I already told her that i will drink when i am older - not to get drunk, but i told her i will have a wine rack in my house with wines and i will drink at dinner and stuff and i got the lecture and i fear that if i tell her that i have drank she will be disappointed and start making me attend AA meetings w/ her again...



Hmm...

Advice?



-Jeff

[snowboardgirl_16]

I think that being honest with your mom might be the best thing... yes it might be upsetting with her, but if you be honest and tell her how you feel about things like you just did, then it will create a strong trust in the relationship.. and I don't know about you but I find that trust is really big with parents. If she can't truly trust you, then she will always worry about her. It's a very complicated issue, especially when it comes with family drinking.

But she is worried that you will go down that path... which shows that she really loves and cares about you, but I just think that you have to be honest with her. Like, what if she found out about your one drinks from someone else, or it slipped out in a conversation with people while she was there? I think that would hurt her more than you just telling her straight up. And if that happens, she'll always be concerned about you and what you are doing and worrying all the time.

I don't know.. just my thinking..

[SirPostAlot]

Yeah that is my thinking, too...

Like i want to show her that i am not going to go down that path ~ but she continually barks about it...

I want to show trust within the relationship because i do utterly love my mom, its just i hate seeing those depressed eyes when the subject comees up...but then again if i tell her that i have drank and don't crave it, then she would possibly worry less about me [either that or more, becuase then she will think that i will think that i don't have a problem and will thus choose to drink more, hmm... ((her and i think very much alike - take things that rae supposed to be positive, and make them into pessimistic hatrednesses))...



Hmm...

THanks for your input...

I'll think about it over the next couple of days (she will be here Friday to pick me up - we have a 3 hr. drive, so that should be long enough for her to lecture me, haha)



-Jeff

[Lena]

LOL, Jeff, tell her at the END of the drive, otherwise she'll be lecturing all the way through. (Oh yes, my mother is the same. lol).

[SirPostAlot]

haha i spose that will work...

my biggest fear is that if i tell her she will hinder what i do this summer - being extra over-protective and not allow me to see my friends because she will think i will drink...hmm...



its good to hear its not only my mom who is insanely weird...haha



-Jeff

[anonymous08]

best wishes, jeff.



and yeah, get out of the lectures as soon as humanly possible. for your own sanity.

(hopefully she's not like my mom, where she carries it into the house and holds it over your head for the next week)

[SirPostAlot]

hmm yeah she def. would have been if i told her...

i just couldn't get up the nerve to tell her (she kept bashing my sister who was drunk on her 21st bday last month)...

i guess i'll just tell her when i am older, haha

[sunnyday666]

Ok. What i think you should do is tell your mom, but do it in a controlled setting. Like tell your mom that you have something important that you would like to discuss with her. Explain that just because alcoholism runs in the fam, it doesn't mean that you will become one if you drink. It seems to me that you, at 19, have you're head on your shoulders in a good way. From your explanation i got that while you drink (obviously not legally if you're from the states), its not because your friends are pressuring you, and its not just to get drunk. So ya. Tell your mom the truth (it'll eventually come out in the end because moms always have ways of finding these things out, and she'll be a lot more hurt later than now) and hope for the best. Explain that while you have the occasional glass of wine or bottle of mikes, you are being responsible about it. Also in order to become an alcoholic you need to DRINK, a lot. You won't get cravings (as you put it), unless you're pounding the back every night all the time. Your mom will respect you for telling the truth, and who knows maybe she'll trust you with your friends in the summer time.