Is A Movie A Good First-Date Idea?

[AlaaAbuali]

I like your idea, I really do, I think you should do it, and you could tell her that you found her with friends and stuff, and you weren't able to talk to her, that seems like a really good idea, go for it.

[navynate]

All i can give you on this is my experience... (Sorry i couldnt get back to you last night my new computer came in and i was transferring everything over).



Back when i was in high school, man that makes me seem old, i never asked a girl i liked in person, it was either a note, text, instant message, myspace or facebook. Here was the result... me just hanging out with the guys or getting ditched cause they were with their girlfriend.



*Warning* I've become pretty analytical about a lot of things in my life, has its ups and downs. The reason i say ask in person is because it shows (in more open terms) that you have balls, especially if you do it when her friends are around. However you have to be able to accept the response in a mature manner, whether its good or bad!



Another reason its good is you get to see her reaction and all that, but don't read to deep into that...



I guess another way you can look at it that might help is, if you cant ask her out when her friends are around then will you be able to give her a peck on the cheek when they are present?

[PVT Poptarts]

NavyNate, I see your point, but you see, I had to work up that courage until yestarday, and then when I talked to her a little more I had like this crazy drive in me like- "Ok, lets get this done and over with". I walked straight over to her locker area but she wasn't there. Same thing happened today, she wasn't there either. The main thing that made me so nervous before yestarday I think, was that I had never really talked with her much, I never knew what to expect from her, so it was almost like asking out a totally hot, stranger lol.



Anyways, I'll ask her on Facebook for tomorrow night. I'll tell her that I wanted to ask her in school, but I coulden't seem to find a time to do it. Which in truth, is really what happened yestarday and today.



Wish me luck!

[navynate]

Yea i understood all that... good luck to ya

[PVT Poptarts]

Wow...I mean...just wow...



Heres what happened:



I didn't ask her out over Facebook because I thought to myself "I can just wait" Plus she didn't come on at all.



Then I tried talking to her tonight (Saturday night) on chat and she logged off before she said anything.



I sent her a joke message just saying like "Hey lol you must be buzy cuz' I never get to talk to you when your on" that sorta thing.



Then she sent me back a message like "haha yeah I dont come on alot"





Seemed simple...not quite....







She then sent me back a message that seemed like a no bullshit message, she said something like "Hey I don't mean to sound mean or anything but if this is about talking to me and being in a relationship and stuff I'll be your friend but i'm not really interested right now....I'm talking to this kid right now and i really have to make things right with him cause i've talked to him for awhile now soo i'm sorry but not right now..."





So I just told her I had no idea and I was sorry.



She sent me back "it's okay most people don't know about it cause he goes to another school"



I said I appreciated her telling me



she said "np like im really close to him and stuff so I would never go behind his back and talk to someone else so yeah"



...So this is how it all ended...I don't feel angry at her, I don't feel like she ripped me off by showing me what I thought were signs, I just feel like a moron for thinking that I had something....I feel so foolish for thinking so deeply about a person like I never did before...



It hurts, it really does...but I know that in time I'll heal.



Just one question, and I know I'll sound like a dumb ass for asking this, but does this mean I've been thrown away? Or could in the future there possibly be something with this girl? However idk because obviously I had no idea she was into someone else...

[navynate]

from what ive learned once you in the friend 'zone' you cant get out. What you do is up to you.

[PVT Poptarts]

Hey again, I'm actually feeling much better now, which is surprising because I thought I would be devestated...



However, I have a few questions to ask-



1. Today in school was really weird...This girl still seemed shy to talk to me even though she said we could be friends, and I STILL caught her staring at me in class plus today in mass (catholic school) she was looking at something behind me when I had my head turned, as soon as I turned towards her she quickly spun around, and I could see she looked embarrassed. I'm confused <img src='http://www.helpingteens.org/groups/publ ... #>/huh.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':huh:' />



2. I still feel incredibly attracted to this girl, and when she and I had the conversation over Facebook she kept mentioning that she "wasn't interested in a relationship now" or "I'm sorry but not right now" Do you think theres the possibility of me hooking up with her in the future and if thats the case, how would I know when to approach her again? Would I just let her come to me or would I have to make the move again? Obviously I'm backing away from her for the time being if she directly told me she wasn't interested...but does that mean for good or could there be something in the future?



3. Should I waste my time waiting around for her? Would it be worth it to wait maybe a month or so and then start flirting with her one friend, because like this girl, I have a good feeling that her friend is also into me too. But I don't want to get together with her friend if this girl is going to come to her senses and come back to me anytime soon.





I am just really confused, I do have more questions, but these are the main ones that are seeming to drive me crazy.

[navynate]

If you continue to 'chase/wait' for here then she'll know you'll always be there waiting for her. (which isnt a good thing) Your best move is to ignore all the signs she's giving you. Now im not saying give up but just ignore, when she approaches reply other than that.... Going for her friend, in my opinion is awkward... However, if she comes to you then its fair game.

[PVT Poptarts]

Ah I see so in other words, don't let her use me. I gotcha.



But I still feel like theres no one else I'm attracted to at the moment, will that feeling pass?

[navynate]

Feelings come and go, dont linger on it for too long. She's not going to be the only person that you will ever be attracted to in time there will be others. My dad told me, "you should be looking for the one you will marry..." (this was when i was a freshman in high school). "...you should just be looking to have fun and experience a social life." My favorite quote is, "whatever happens, happens."



Now dont get me wrong here, im not saying be a 'playa' or anything of that sort. When you get your girl, please treat her right and if/when things arent working out be respectful about the break up, do it in person too. I dont know how many times i had to listen to the girls i knew crying about this and that... I was a nice guy, so i rarely ever got the girl.

[AlaaAbuali]

Hey PVT Poptarts,

Okay first of all, it's true what they say, that people always want what they can't have. So if you wait around for her and show her that you are waiting around, and that you won't move on, and you'll keep waiting till she comes back to her senses, then she'll never come to you, and you know why? because she knows that you'll always be there, no matter what, even after she rejected you or told you that she's not interested at the moment. But if you don't give her any signs, and you ignore her signs, and just act normal around her, then she'll start to want you. Because at the moment, she likes the idea of you liking her and crushing over her and staring at each other, it makes her feel good, so when she doesn't have that anymore, she's going to want it, so only then will she come to you.



Second of all, I don't really believe that she's into someone else, or that she's involved in something with another person, it could be an excuse because she's not ready to get involved in a relationship with you right now for whatever reason, that doesn't necessarily have to do anything with you, so she just made that up as an excuse. Because it's weird when you said that she still stares at you and looks like she's still interested in you, because if she wanted to really make things right with this other guy, then she would avoid you, especially after the conversation you had, and in fact she would've said that you could be friends, but she wouldn't really mean it, she would just say 'Let's stay friends' simply to be nice and not to push you away, but she wouldn't really mean it, because as she said, she's into someone else. So her actions seem a bit weird and contradicting.



Third of all, going for her friend, that's a very bad move, infact it's kind of low (no offense to you), but it's obvious that she knows that you like her, and you're into her, and yet as soon as she tells you she's not ready for a relationship now, or that she's into someone else, so you immediately go and date her friend, I mean, not just anyone, but her friend, so it will only show her that you weren't serious about her and that you were just fooling around. And also, she could talk to her friend about this, so then her friend would know that you're not the serious type of guy who respects a girl and really does love her.



Fourthly, what you should do right now, is not to stay away from her, and at the same time, not to try and get her to be with you and to go out with you, and you also shouldn't just sit and wait around, but what you should do is to be friends with her. Friendship is always the first step in any relationship, you have to get close to the person, and to know the person, her personality, how she is, how she treats people, her attitude, how she deals with things, and at the same time, she gets to know you, because sometimes when you really know the person, you find that he's different from who you thought he is from a distance, because from a distance, you judge the person by an external appearance that you see or hear about from people, but what you see or hear is never who the person really is, so you can't judge or really know who she is from how she looks or how you see her with her friends, you have to know her, and let her know you, because then, you might find that you don't feel the same way about her as you thought you do, or on the contrary, you might find that your feelings for her are true and that you like her even more. So you have to know her. That's exactly what you should be doing now, and just act normally around her, as if you're talking to any other girl, or as if you're making a new friend, and getting to know the person, and don't show her any signs that show otherwise, that you want anything from her more than friends, and then by time, you'll see how things will go, from both sides, yours and hers, and then you can decide what you should do next, and who knows, maybe she'll be the one to ask you to hang out.



Please do feel free to continue the discussion, and we'll get back to you right away <img src='http://www.helpingteens.org/groups/publ ... /smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':)' />

[PVT Poptarts]

Yeah I see what you guys mean. I'm just kind of "playing it cool" right now. I am gonna stop looking interested in her (because believe me, it's still very difficult) and I'll just kinda leave her to her own goggling. And I do see what you guys mean when you say it was weird of her to keep showing signs even though she said she wasn't interested.



However, I really dislike the fact that I fell into the trap of asking her if we could still be friends. From what you guys are saying it sounded like a bad move on my part, and it kinda has me worried now because I feel like I just put myself in a position where I can't date her one friend in the future. It's almost like I have to have this girl's permission to date her friend or something. And I know she'll tell her friend that I was interested in her...because we all know how girls like to talk oh so much...



And lastly, on the topic of 'becoming friends and getting to know this girl more' I am not really sure if I can do that. This girl seems to get nervous around me, and me of her. I don't really have many classes with her, nor do I sit anywhere near her for much conversation. Another thing is that since she herself told me she wasn't interested in a relationship, and since we have already given eachother so many looks and signs, I almost feel like she would think I am hitting on her if I tried to become friends with her. I mean, I coulden't even talk to her on Facebook without her calling me out on 'talking to me to be in a relationship' as she put it.





I'm kind of in a rut right now...Any advice? You guys have been very helpful to me for so long, I really do appreciate all this.

[navynate]

sorry it took me so long to respond, but just keep your distance. Don't get in the 'friend zone' thats the biggest down fall someone could make. You can say you know her but don't be bffl's cause then the next rejection will be "you're too good of a friend and i don't want to mess that up". Now, if her friend approaches you and IS, not seems, interested in you then by no means do you need the other girls permission. However, there WILL be drama there, but who knows it might be worth it. Oh and by the way, both of them have probably already talked about you.



Wish you the best!