Rough Patch? Rut? All In My Head?

[Quixotic]

So... I recently got back with my ex who I caught cheating on me.. apparently he did it more than once. I split and we didn't talk for months and I avoided him like the plague.. see he stayed with the girl.



Things didn't work out and eventually after getting back in contact and talking for a while we started dating. After a few weeks we became exclusive (we got officially back together on the 3rd). Now I REALLY wanted this but now I don't know if we're in a rough patch or maybe I'm just distancing myself out of fear or since I've been known to have relationship freak outs maybe it's just that...



But either way I don't always want to see him.. I don't miss him when we're apart. He's NOT good at talking about things and it frustrates me. He'll just sit in silence and then after a while say "i don't know what you want me to say" or something equally unhelpful and frustrating.



I just don't know what to do because I know I love him... But I learned it takes a lot more than that to make even an unscathed relationship work. PLEASE help me

[CausticTears]

Ah it all sounds so familiar! When I found out my g/f had cheated on me, we broke up, got back together, broke up again and then several months later, we got back together again. I gotta tell you because that trust was broken and I was living in fear with the relationship, I didn't miss her, I got annoyed/frustrated with her quickly and guess what... she would also say, "I dont know what you want me to say." When she said, I would always lose it! haha Honestly, I would put so much pressure on her to say the "right" thing, she was afraid to say anything!



If you really love this guy and you really want to work at it AND he wants to do the SAME thing, then you both need to really communicate with each other. You need to make sure you are getting what you want/need from this relationship and the same with him. If you don't want to always see him, DON'T! See him once a week, once every two weeks... work slow then build up. Do new things; make it exciting to see him and learn new things about him.



And as a side note, I'm still with my girlfriend and we are trying to work it out. I'm still not 100% sure about the relationship, but I know that this is where I want to be right now.

[Cindy]

Wow... It's like looking into a mirror....



I was told by a friend tonight that I'm scared of getting hurt, so I'm not getting my hopes up. I LOVE it when it he's over, but I could care less if he's not around. I got a taste of freedom, to do what I want to do, and i am not ready to give it up (My relationship wasn't about both of us. He got what he wanted, and I received nothing).



It all makes sense to me. I am scared to DEATH of getting hurt again, I'm not sure if I'm able to take it again, so I'm trying to not get close again. I'm preparing myself for the worst. I'm grateful that this women pointed this all out to me. She also reassured me that when the time comes, I'll know. I need to regain my trust in him by questioning everything.



What you are feeling is normal. Your scared... Just keep on your toes and just you'll figure it out soon. You can do it without him, you know this. It's normal how you feel <img src='http://www.helpingteens.org/groups/publ ... /smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':)' />

[Quixotic]

Seems he's going through some stuff too and he tends to shut people out when he's in bad mood... so now I'm left here feeling all out of place and he's not in the mood to talk right now... dammit dammit dammit.



this has just not been a good week



thank you both for your repsonses. I appreciate what you had to say and knowing I'm not the only one in relationship like this is comforting =)