Split Up, Or A Break?

Have a major crush on that special girl but she doesn't like you in the least? Are you in love with a guy who doesn't even notice you? Whatever it might be, ask here. We'll give you some advice.

Moderator: Sex & Relationships Moderators

Post Reply
User avatar
Six_Stringed_Demon
Loyal
Posts: 159
Joined: Fri May 02, 2003 9:45 pm
Contact:

Split Up, Or A Break?

Post by Six_Stringed_Demon »

Hi there,



I haven't been around on these forums for a while now, but i could really do with some advice and stuff at the moment, so any advice / support will be greatly appreciated :-)



About 2 weeks ago, my girlfriend of 3 and a half years said she wanted to go on a break. She said she had a lot on her plate at the moment and felt she needed to be away from our relationship. This came as a massive shock to me, as i knew things weren't amazing at the moment (we're both studying and have a lot on) however i couldn't have seen that coming.



I felt a 'break' was a bit of a rubbish idea, i'd rather address any issues head on and sort them out. However i appreciated her need for some space so reluctantly agreed. I think one of the reasons she wanted a break is that in the past when we'd had problems we always sorted things out by talking them through - sometimes it worked well, sometimes it didn't. However she said that she was 90% sure she'd want to get back with me after some time apart.



Anyway, we agreed on the break but things continued as normal. I didn't know what to do as i hadn't instigated the break, and i was happy that i wasn't having to spend time away from her. So i just carried on, and tried my best to be a better boyfriend.



After a few weeks, things were going ok then on Saturday just gone my girlfriend called me up and said she wanted to end things.

This has absolutely devastated me, she's been the only person i've ever loved, we're both 21 now and have had plans of engagement and living together once we finish university.



When i asked why, she said that she just wanted to be single right now as she's got a lot on. A reason that i really don't understand, or feel to be just. She's assured me there's no-one else, and also said that she does still love me, and since the break up we've been messaging each other almost as much as we would do normally.



Right now i'm so confused, in my opinion if you love someone then that's enough to get you through the hardest of times. I appreciate she probably needs some space right now however from being given such an empty reason for being dumped i have nothing but questions and things flying around my head.



I want her back more than anything, and i want to give her some space as then hopefully she'll realise she misses me, and want to get back together. However my head is saying that i should be trying to do everything i can now to try and get her back. I'm absolutely in pieces, and the uncertainty of it all is making things worse. I'm so scared of giving her space, and losing her.



If i ask her what are the chances of us getting back together, she'll say i don't know. If i ask how long she thinks it'll be till she knows she'll say i don't know. I've offered to take her out on a 'date' kind of thing at the end of this week. Just to give us a chance to spend some quality time speaking over things and being together after a week apart, she said she'll think about it. I've definitely taken her for granted in the last year or so of our relationship, and i'm certain that's the start of a lot of these problems. That's my biggest regret now, that i took her for granted. Not having her for 2 days has been like 2 days without air, food and water. Any advice on how to avoid taking each other for granted would be much appreciated.



Anyway guys thanks for listening to my story, any replies would be so much appreciated. This girl is who i have always imagined to be my life partner, best friend, wife and mother of my kids. I want her back more than anything, and hopefully you guys can help me make the right decisions to make that happen.



Thanks
User avatar
Dozer94
Hooked On HelpingTeens
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Oct 15, 2008 4:35 pm

Re: Split Up, Or A Break?

Post by Dozer94 »

well. right now you probably need to back off just a little bit. you said its only been two days and you've asked a lot of stressful questions. she could feel smothered at the moment bc you are trying so hard. i know you dont want to lose her but you do need to give her space. wait one week, then ask her how shes doing. she'll see that you still care. if she responds dont message back the second you get it. wait a couple of hours, or even a day and say your glad shes doing well or sorry that she's sick. whatever the situation. be a friend. and friend only. she'll see that your willing to wait and taking her desision to heart. letting her go for a bit shows you respect her and her choice. that is a really important part of a relationship.



this reason for the break may be bc she doesnt see a relationship between you two. if you start over, become just friends again, it may help both of you realize what you really want from each other. college changes people and many girls want to be single and try out this new life. from what it seems, you two only have one year left. let her live a bit. thats what college is about. make sure you get out too. that doesnt mean you have to date or hook up, just go hang out with the guys and have some fun. drink a beer, go play some football. guy stuff. she will come back when she doesnt feel as stressed and pressured. do keep in contact with her, just not to often or obsessively.



as for not taking her for granted. this spit will take care of that. the not seeing each other and not talking as much WILL make you realize how special your time with her is. so far this spit has already made you see that you did take her for granted. and the separation, if you guys are ment to be together, will bring you closer. my boyfriend and i were recently separated bc of our parents and now when we do see each other, we see how much we really care about each other. plus, he waited for me the way that i told you to wait for her. he talked me through problems and explained what a guy was really thinking. be the best friend she needs, and you should be alright.



"true love is friendship set on fire."



good luck.
Dozer*
User avatar
Barbies are Evil
Veteran
Posts: 4648
Joined: Sun Dec 15, 2002 7:52 pm
Contact:

Re: Split Up, Or A Break?

Post by Barbies are Evil »

i think the old addage comes into play here......."if you love something set it free, if it comes back its meant to be"..............I think you should just give it time, and in a month or so, do something really sweet, and really big and romantic, like maybe leaving a trail of rose petals guiding her somewhere to where you are, you know? so she knows your serious
TJ[10:13 PM]: no not really..... it's all so.... like wow..... screw steps, you took a fuckin jet pack and strapped it on yourself and rocketed your way forward (thats my big bro)







And I'm going to extremes



Tomorrow I will change



And today won't mean a thing



I'm a bitch, I'm a tease



I'm a goddess on my knees



When you hurt, when you suffer



I'm your angel undercover



I've been numb, I'm revived



Can't say I'm not alive



You know I wouldn't want it any other way



Meredith Brooks-Bitch
User avatar
Spitfire
Veteran
Posts: 1004
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2004 5:05 pm
Contact:

Re: Split Up, Or A Break?

Post by Spitfire »

If you're still checking up on this topic, Id like to see how things are going. Ive been in this situation so many times...and I always did the wrong thing. Its so hard not to do everything you can to get her to come back to you immediately, but please just let her do her own thing for a while. Let her know you understand, send her flowers with a note telling her you understand, and that you'll still be there to care about her when she needs it. If she knows you love her but that you're not desperate, it will make it a lot easier for her to decide what she wants from you. Give her space, but don't try to ignore her.
Blame it on the yellow bananas..they just sit there..all..yellow-like!!



~FRODO THE FLYING PEANUT~





Post 200- Aug 10, 2004



Post 250- Aug 17, 2004



Post 300- Aug 23, 2004



Post 400- Sep 26, 2004



Post 500- Oct 26, 2004






Dont Make Me Eat Your First-Born Child!!
Post Reply