Hello I Feel Like I Want To Share Something...

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pvt fml
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Hello I Feel Like I Want To Share Something...

Post by pvt fml »

i wish to share some stuff... i want to relese some of my feelings in hopes i will feel better..... so please prepare for the longest most boreing rand of all time..... if anyone actualy reads this thank you! if not oh well il live sadly... im going to start with a quick discription of myself and my past... (ok it probobly wont be quick.. ) when i was a little kid i belonged to meth addicts as well as other drugs... my parents were never maried and concived me in a parking lot.. because the meth screwed them up and my dad had to leave for other things... i was left alone with my mother who abandoned me in a car at a truck stop for a while... after a few days people found me with ear infections in both ears unfed and in a bad condition. so i was taken away by cops. i went to a foster home as well as some other homes... one couple who had custity of me beat me and my sister. then my parents tried to get me back. the refused to apropriatly cowaperate with the courts tho and quit the drugs.. due to all of this they were denied and the court gave me away to an addoptive couple.. (i beleve it was a closed adoption...) this was all under the age of 4. and my sister stayed with me during most of this and was addoped by the same famaly. she was uner 5/6. my bio mom hired pi's to help her find me... and thretened in court to kidnap us... when one of the pi's found us they told her and also told our adoptive parents... (coincidently we moved compleatly across the country soon after...) i havent had a verry good life sence then... my sister has had worse... she was givin back to our bio mom at age 17, and my step parents never stoped reminding us that they regreted addopting us... mostly her... i know that they love me a little deep down but they dont know me, they dont want to... me and my bio family have come in contact a few times... and i have visited my dad... he is a pot grower.... he lives of of wellfare and says he regrets what he has done but last time i went there he made me so depresed by how he treated me i just sat in the kitchen geting drunk (and yes i am underage... i was only 17 then... now im 18.... still underage...) somehow i want his approval even tho im still sooooo mad at him and my bio mother for what they did to me... i do not have any real friends no-one i can tallk to... and i feel alone.... i dont want to bring up religon but im going to.... i was an athiest most my life.... felt alone ....... turned to christianity.... and now all i know is im going to hell for eternity when i die.... (thats just what i beleve please dont soly critisise this please....) and i have been in an added depresion because i found most things abbout my past out in the last 2/3 years... i also have this school thing going on..... just imagin a lot of stupid stuff..... love that never worked out and i havent goten over in 2 years..... its painfull having to see her face every day..... and now im bi i have extreamly mixed feelings about a lot of people!.... and some added stress/depresing things in my life are: my sister in now in a domestic violence home and is prego.... and im in the army reserves and my unit is deploying in a few monthes without me because im still in high school.... i wont go into depth about how i am in high school am 18 and a PFC in the army at the same time.... but this sstuff is killing me! i have been extreamly suisidal for about 3 years now... i have no good reson to live.... almost everything thats happened to me now and in my past is my fault!..... maby ill get the courage to end it all one day!... lately i tried cuting my wrist...... no one found out and i didnt hurt myself to badly.... but it started me cutting..... and now i think it might be an addiction! but i need it i deserve it! please someone read this and tell me im not crazy! i just cant take this much longer! im not scared of death just the pains of living!...... oh and sorry for the spelling
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sammie52393
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Re: Hello I Feel Like I Want To Share Something...

Post by sammie52393 »

your not crazy. All fo the things your parents did werent your fault. I'm addicted to cutting too, sometimes i think about ending my life, and how much easier it will all be. But I just keep thinking about the future and how everything will be better and one day all of my painand lonlieness will only be a memory. You should remember that too
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sammie52393
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Re: Hello I Feel Like I Want To Share Something...

Post by sammie52393 »

hey i also want to add in one thing: your 18 years old, you've got your whole life ahead of you! Think about happy things like the fact that your r gonna be an aunt! Your life is really only just beginning, and even though you cant redo your past your have your whole future to think about. You could go to college, travel the world, get married, have kids and love them the way your parents never did, you could also help other kids who are in situations like the ones you were in and give them a better future
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pvt fml
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Re: Hello I Feel Like I Want To Share Something...

Post by pvt fml »

ok thank you a LOT i have been checking this for a long time and finaly someone replied! u just made my day a little better Thank you!
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sammie52393
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Re: Hello I Feel Like I Want To Share Something...

Post by sammie52393 »

your welcome
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