My College Essay * Poss Rape Trigger - Description*

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kellykelly
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My College Essay * Poss Rape Trigger - Description*

Post by kellykelly »

i wrote this for pitt university and i was just wondering what you thought. i really need help on the grammar especially with comas/semicolons i always get that stuff backwards. so if somethings wrong please let me know, thanks.











His hot breath crawled across my flesh, and the putrid stench of alcohol infested my nose, as his quavering voice whispered, "It's because how much I love you." Chills flooded my body when I felt his calloused hand slide against the fragile skin of my thigh. An immense surge of pain rattled through my entire body. Tears blurred my vision and I could feel the panic racing through my body. He used his free hand to shush me while he grunted, "Stop crying, I love you." He was trying to maintain control but I could hear the trembling in his voice, I could feel it in his hands. I swallowed hard and struggled to hold back the tears. When he was gone I tucked my head beneath my lumpy pillow and hoped he wouldn't be able to hear my muffled sobs. I was only eight years old.



The guilt and humiliation overwhelmed me, and I never wanted anyone to know what had happened. I refused to accept it as reality; it was just a nightmare, a bad dream, something in a scary movie, and eventually I had myself convince it really never happened. As I grew older I felt emotionally numb to the world, but I couldn't fathom why I felt this way. Soon I became desperate to feel anything at all; I turned to physical pain to substitute my lack of emotional pain. When I 'cut' myself the endorphins rushed my body, the blood dripped down my finger tips, the tears streamed my face, and I could feel. It was the most terrible, horrible feeling, but I could really feel it.



I attempted to sustain some sort of normalcy in my life so when I hit high school I started dating, but I felt I had become so detached from any kind of feelings I would be unable to love anyone. The intimacy of such close relationships rekindled memories that began to haunt me. I denied it to myself for as long as possible but the recollections from my past spilled out. At the end of my junior year in high school I told my therapist that for years I had been hiding that I was a victim of child sexual abuse and I could no longer control the way I was hurting myself; I needed help.



I was diagnosed as being severely depressed. I began a treatment of the anti-depressant Prozac and I was forced to relive the trauma of my past. The anti-depressants helped, but the therapy sessions were more than I could handle. I felt remorse and shame eating me away; some days I wished I would have never remembered anything. When I informed my psychiatrist I still felt depressed I was reevaluated and switched to what he hoped would be a more effective anti-depressant, Effexor XR.



I am striving to keep my head up and remain hopeful that I will be able to continue the healing process. I've been able to control my self-injuring for the past six months, and the Effexor XR has been highly effective. With the help of my therapist I've learned a variety of new, much healthier, ways to channel and redirect my emotions. I've also learned to trust and love others, and more importantly, I've learned to love myself. I am no longer ashamed of my past, but instead I have become a proud survivor. When I finish school, I plan to start a fund for the awareness of any type of child abuse, sexual or not, as well as an advocacy for more available mental health care for low-income families, such as my own. I think although this has had major negative impacts on my life in the past, today it serves to remind me that I can survive anything and not to forget about those who are suffering the same fate as me. It has shown me we need to reach out and help any victims of abuse, especially children.



*Small edit to add trigger warning. Lena.*
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Lena
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Re: My College Essay * Poss Rape Trigger - Description*

Post by Lena »

Moving to education, I think you'll get more replies there. :)
Woman can not live on tea or chocolate alone.... but she can give it a damn good try.
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sinical_sycology
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Re: My College Essay * Poss Rape Trigger - Description*

Post by sinical_sycology »

wow um, well it doesn't to hold any obvious grammatical errors, it's cery clear concise, and well structured. From my perspective, it's an acceptable paper
"For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul?" - Jesus Of Nazareth -



"An educated fool is more foolish than an ignorant one." - Moliere -



"There are well-dressed foolish ideas, just as there are well-dressed fools." - Nicolas Chamfort -



"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain -



"Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." - Oscar Wilde -



REVOLUTIONARY - An oppressed person waiting for the opportunity to become an oppressor - Cynics Dictionary -
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Hop-along
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Re: My College Essay * Poss Rape Trigger - Description*

Post by Hop-along »

Hi

well I thought that was well written, but may I ask why you are writing it in the first place? I come from the UK (please excuse my ignorance), So Im not meaning to be derogatory in anyway but the purpose of the writing will dictate to a certain extent the tone and content for example you start in 1st person, I think though that you are incredible brave to be so honest and frank.

the only thing I noticed was the word normalcy I'm not sure but should that be spelt something like normality?

Hop.
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sinical_sycology
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Re: My College Essay * Poss Rape Trigger - Description*

Post by sinical_sycology »

normalcy is also a word
"For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul?" - Jesus Of Nazareth -



"An educated fool is more foolish than an ignorant one." - Moliere -



"There are well-dressed foolish ideas, just as there are well-dressed fools." - Nicolas Chamfort -



"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain -



"Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." - Oscar Wilde -



REVOLUTIONARY - An oppressed person waiting for the opportunity to become an oppressor - Cynics Dictionary -
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Re: My College Essay * Poss Rape Trigger - Description*

Post by FranklinF »

i believe but i can be wrong here she is writing it as a college essay, you turn it it with your application, and it gives the college a sense of who you are, if you are "capable" of attending their establishment....



also i think it is a great essay, and the reader can tell it was written from the heart
[center]Every once in a while, you stop in moments.

The ones that are life changing.

They edit your thinking.

They make your heart grow.

[/center]
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kellykelly
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Re: My College Essay * Poss Rape Trigger - Description*

Post by kellykelly »

the subject was basically tell us about something that may have recently affected your life or any outstanding circumstances we should know regarding a drop in grades/attendence/etc.. thats not exactly what is said, but kind of. when all this happened last year i had a significant drop in my grades, but i've pulled them all up now.
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